Last night was such an eye-opening night. It had been a tough Wednesday. All sorts of issues and challenges. Life, right? Yeah. A late night storm raged outside my window. The sky lit up with bolts of lightning. Hard rain hit the pavement and sounds of thunder echoed throughout the atmosphere. Usually I love a good storm. As a child, I would stand in awe of them. I loved the fact that stuff was happening that man couldn’t create or control (I know, I was a different kind of kid at times). However, last night I just didn’t want to deal with one more storm.
I got in the bed, nestled in tight, and put on my headphones and listened to my life- no not someone else’s cd but my own voice, my own words, my own “Dialogues with the Father” as recorded on my digital tape recorder over the course of the years.
Anyone who truly knows me knows that I rarely go anywhere without a tape recorder. I have cassette tapes (regular size and mini) that go back over 25 years- tapes capturing important moments and thoughts. In addition, I have four (4) digital recorders which holds over 600 hours of talk time each. Three (3) of them are full. That’s over 1800 additional hours (not minutes, but hours) of digital recorded time.
I listened to digital tape #3 all night. It contained thoughts that had been on my heart, revelations I believe God gave me, ideas for books & products, messages I spoke and presentations I gave at events, prayers, poetry, songs, and other creative stuff I created, prophetic words given to me by others, dreams, and my dialogues with the Father- some stuff I had forgotten. Although it was my voice, it was like listening to it for the first time. It was amazing. Powerful. I couldn’t sleep. The depth of the revelation kept me on edge. I could hardly believe what I was hearing. What I heard made me shake my head. Again, it was like I was hearing it for the first time. When light from the new morning filled the bedroom, the recorder was still going.
God never ceases to amaze me. So much of what is on the recorder directly relates to where I am now. I found answers on that recorder. I found encouragement on that recorder. My faith was built up. I can’t really explain it but as I have said before, “At times you just need to revisit what God has spoken over your life in order to come back to the understanding that every thing you need, you’ve already been given and everything that you are is more than enough.”
I am not trying to sound cocky, but I was reminded of the significance of my God-given purpose, my gifts, and the power of my own voice. I was reminded why the challenges in my life over the last couple of years have seemingly been so severe. I was reminded why giving up was never an option for me, why harboring anger and bitterness can never be my choice. I was reminded that God put words in me that are not just for me- words that must be heard- words that make the enemy of my faith tremble. I was reminded that any opinions contrary to what God has spoken over my life can’t carry any weight in my life- no matter who it comes from.
Through it all- the ups, the downs, the good, the bad, the ugly, the loss of friends, family disappointments, the good choices and the not so good ones, the uncried tears, the laughter, the victories as well as the “seemingly” defeats, God is still in control. He knows what He is doing even I don’t- even when circumstances don’t look like it. His word and the words I speak frame my future. His voice, my voice, and my activated faith matters most in my life. My life- no apologies, no excuses. Nothing to prove.
~Wendy M. Reynolds